I don't know when it started, but ever since I was a kid I've had this crushing phobia about other people hearing me rehearse.   And yet I've never wanted anything more in my life than to be a confident, accomplished singer.  I guess it makes sense, if a person wants a thing so badly... what's at stake?  What happens to someone who wants to be great but doesn't have the balls to suck?

... The um... courage to suck.   You know what I mean.

Music Therapy, Rolfing, Slam Poetry, and a lot of faith got me over my fear of singing in front of people, which at one time was so crippling I used to just stand in front of the mic and weep.  Tragic, right? Felt awful at the time. Today it would probably go viral.

But I still have this lingering resistance to rehearsing when people can hear me. At the studio I'm fine, because, hey it's a voice studio, surely the neighbors have heard the full fucking spectrum.  But at home, it still freaks me out. I feel like if I were great - like you know, Bonnie Raitt or Tina Turner, that would be ok, but since I'm me, and since I'm learning, it must be extremely annoying.

Or maybe, just maybe it's all in my head and I should shut up and sing.



Downtown 8-15-11 by cassking